Recommended Reading
  • Mere Christianity and The Screwtape Letters (Complete In One Volume)
    Mere Christianity and The Screwtape Letters (Complete In One Volume)
    by C.S. Lewis
  • Toxic Faith
    Toxic Faith
    by Stephen Arterburn, Jack Felton
  • The Visitation
    The Visitation
    by Frank Peretti
  • Fox's Book of Martyrs
    Fox's Book of Martyrs
    by John Foxe

Discussion > I am angry at God

Though it seems like a crime to dare to be angry at God, still it feels sometimes that it just cannot be helped. Emotions cannot merely be turned off or on like a light switch, especially when there has been a deep hurt. What to do?

Please feel free to share your burdens here.

July 18, 2010 | Registered CommenterA Christian

I've seen several people lately come to this particular thread, but no one has posted anything. So I'll be the first. This is going to get real, but life is too short not to be honest with one another.

The week after my daughter died (see: On Word of Faith or Believing Prayer Movements) from heart defects was a blur. Really, several months were a blur. We had been promised that if we "had enough faith" our baby would live. We did, but she didn't. Hindsight, there actually is no such promise in the Bible. We put our faith in the teachings of men, rather than God.

But anyway, one night I distinctly remember pacing the living room of my tiny, one-bedroom apartment with praise and worship music on. I was alternately crying (sobbing, more like it) and singing, then wanting to scream, then crying on the floor, then walking and singing, then hunched over the couch trying not to scream. I would sing praises, then rage, then sob, trying to keep relatively quiet since my spouse was on the other side of the wall sleeping.

I was confused and hurt. I felt betrayed and alone. I looked and sounded like a lunatic. I was embarrassed to be so out of control, and yet I couldn't stop myself. I had to get this out.

The question wasn't why couldn't God save my baby, it was why wouldn't He save my baby. In the grand scheme of things, what was the point in denying me this innocent little girl, so hoped for, so prayed over, so desperate to save? With a thought He could have healed my precious baby, with a bat of His eyelash He could have brought her back from the brink of death. Why? Why? WHY?

I still believed God was good and found myself singing praises again. Then I choked up again, tears never ceasing to stream down my face. And just as suddenly I was angry again. I felt ashamed, feeling so angry at God Almighty. I wondered if He would strike me then and there for being so horrible. Instead, it seemed that rather than chastise me, I was held in His arms. No harsh words and no lighting came. Just a sudden peace that surpassed all understanding, like being cradled as a child.

I did not learn that night the reason for Elizabeth's death. I was not "cured" of my grief, tears, or heartbreak. But I did learn that sorrowful night, that God is bigger than my anger. My God, the God of the Bible was not offended by my anger, hurt and confusion that night. Just like Elijah on the run (1 Kings 19), God provided for my needs and did not use harsh words.

And over time (ten years now), I have seen some positive and remarkable things because of my baby. Mostly changes in myself. My first born baby girl changed my life without ever uttering a sound, opening her eyes, or doing anything. But she lived. She was. And that changed everything.

April 12, 2013 | Registered CommenterA Christian

This is beautiful, but also breaks my heart. When I attended my college band director's memorial service, Rosie, his wife made the comment that people who don't know better like to say, "Time heals all wounds." She then declared that, "No, it doesn't." You don't just, "get over" these kinds of experiences. You don't just "get over" losing someone you love. But I think these life experiences make us grow and change, hopefully for the better.

In my philosophy class one day we were discussing if God could make a perfect world, then why wouldn't he? Why would he leave us in such a nasty place with people who are so selfish and mean to one another? But even if everyone was perfect, why would God allow us to feel pain and to get hurt? I think, apart from man sinning against God, that life was made to be a struggle because if it wasn't, we wouldn't get any better. We wouldn't improve. We wouldn't need to help one another if there wasn't anything such as pain or heartache. We could all live on our own and never need anyone else. What kind of a purpose would we have then?

If I never had to force myself to bicycle up the big hill every day on my way home from school, I never would get any stronger. If I never had to practice my flute to get better at it, I would have no appreciation for it like I do. Just like when a chick struggles to hatch out of its egg. We can look at that and think, "Now, why did God make it so hard for that chick to hatch out?" But what we may not realize is is that struggle is good for them. They need that to get stronger. I think the thing we, as humans, need to remember is that we are not God and we can't see the whole picture. We just have to remember Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." We need to remember that and trust in the Lord.

Thank you for having this blog.

April 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterVirginia